


Midnight Snack

by missrhondalee



Category: Laverne & Shirley (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, F/M, Fondling, Friendship, Hand Jobs, Humor, Season Eight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:11:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26430139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missrhondalee/pseuds/missrhondalee
Summary: Carmine catches Laverne cheating on her ulcer diet.
Relationships: Laverne DeFazio/Carmine Ragusa
Kudos: 3





	Midnight Snack

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all can blame Nicole Kidman's movie 'Birthday Girl' for this one.

Her new ulcer diet was driving her crazy. So much so that Laverne had trouble staying asleep, her mind so obsessed with food she couldn't think about anything else and if it wasn't complicated enough, Carmine had been on her case about it since day one. He insisted that she only ate bland, tasteless food. At first she thought he would give her a break, you know? Being her friend and all. She'd hoped that he would allow her a few exceptions but the guy literally made her spit out the bite she took of his sandwich! Now of course, she did appreciate that he was concerned for her well-being but this time he'd gone too far. He could have at least let her swallow that one bite...damn she was starving.

Laverne heard her stomach growl as she walked down the stairs in her white pajamas. It was around midnight. It was safe to assume Ragusa was asleep and wouldn't interfere again. It was safe to assume tonight she should be left alone. Okay, so she went to the store and bought Twinkies and Scooter Pies but if you were in her shoes, having to eat tasteless yogurts and sauerkraut for days on end, wouldn't you lose it?

Now lately Carmine had been watching her every move so when he had an emergency telegram to deliver to the chief of police, she rushed to the store. She'd hidden the goodies in the kitchen cupboards behind big boxes of pasta. She has been thinking about those Scooter Pies since she bought them and as she stepped closer to the kitchen, Laverne couldn't hide her excitement. She almost felt like a kid on Chiristmas morning. It may be extreme but you would feel the same too after what she had to eat. She shuddered at the thought of eating celery again. Could you believe that she hadn't had milk and Pepsi in over a week?! It wasn't like one glass was going to kill her. Laverne opened the fridge and retrieved the milk and a glass bottle of Pepsi. Carmine did make her throw out all the Pepsi the other day..or so he thought. Laverne had hidden places for it and she chuckled at how damn clever she'd been! Once the glass was poured and she couldn't help but take a sip, she stepped closer to the cupboard and stretched up to grab her beloved boxes of cookies. She couldn't help but giggle at how she'd outsmarted her friend. “See if you can stop me now, Carmine.”

“Come to mama, boys.” she was so happy she literally hugged the Scooter Pies, “Oh, do I love you guys. I've missed you.”

Just as she was trying to open the box while thinking about relaxing in bed with nice, _edible_ food and a very well deserved glass of milk and Pepsi, Carmine appeared out of nowhere behind her. “Freeze!”

Laverne screamed as the box flew out of her hand hitting Carmine in the face. He had a feeling Laverne would try something like this even more when he had to go to work earlier. Now obviously, he wasn't with her 24/7 but he knew she'd try to cheat on her diet at some point. He also knew she wouldn't risk doing this in broad daylight when he could barge in at anytime and so an hour ago he slipped by the kitchen door and hid in her cupboard underneath the sink. Okay, that was extreme but she'd made so much efforts and it would just be stupid to ruin them all now. He was just concerned..surely that would give him points there, right?

..or maybe not. “What the hell? Are you crazy?!” she yelled shoving him. “Don't you ever scare me like this again!” Laverne panted, trying to get a grip on herself. “My little heart just went.”

“What are you doing here? It's like midnight.” She stammered, “And where did you even come from? Were you hiding underneath the sink?” What the fuck?

“What I'm doing here? What are _you_ doing? Trying to cheat on your diet, huh Laverne? I knew I'd catch you.”

“Carmine, you're going too far now.” the guy literally hid in her freaking kitchen cupboard, “You're losing it.”

“I'm losing it? I'm not the one stashing junk food and lying about it.”

Laverne sighed, “Look Carmine, I appreciate what you're trying to do. Not a huge fan of _how_ you're doing it but I appreciate your concern about my well-being, really I do.” then she whined, “But Carmine, the stuff I have to eat it's so... _ugh_.” Laverne shuddered thinking about the vegetables and other healthy crap he'd almost forced her to eat those past couple of days.

“How did you know I was going to cheat, anyway?”

Carmine gave her a look she knew much too well. “Hey. It's me. I know you.”

Laverne began complaining when he told her she had to follow that diet without any exceptions. He grabbed the boxes of Scooter Pies and poured her glass of milk and Pepsi down the drain. “I'm taking these with me.”

Just as Laverne was getting seriously frustrated about this stupid diet, an idea popped into her brain and now she was smiling..which unsettled Carmine. He knew she could come up with anything especially seeing how desperate she was.

“Why are you smiling?”

Laverne bit her lower lip. “You know Carmine, if I had something other than food on my mind, I probably wouldn't hate this diet so much.”

“If I had something to distract me...”

“Like what?”

“Well, you know...” she stepped dangerously close to him now as Carmine stepped backwards bumping into the fridge causing him to drop the boxes to the floor. He didn't know what she was thinking of and her behavior kinda scared him. Laverne now stood right in front of him and began reaching for the front of his pants.

And now he knew. “Are you out of your mind?!” he removed her hand right away. “And _I'm_ losing it?”

“Come on. Why not.” her hand found its way between his legs and Carmine panted loudly as she caressed him. It had been so damn long since anything remotely sexual had happened to him and it showed especially seeing how he was squirming under her touch. He felt his lucidity slip away as she slid her hand inside his underwear and ran her fingers up his impressive length feeling him hardening with each stroke. “Doesn't that feel nice?”

Carmine panted heavily as the last drop of blood officially left his brain. “Unbutton your top.”

Chuckling, Laverne slowly undid two buttons with her free hand and let him fondle her breasts. It had been quite a while for her as well and Carmine sure knew what he was doing under there.

She leaned in closer, her lips brushing against his ear now. “I want you to pull my hair and do naughty things to me.” she said in a sultry voice.

Carmine whimpered, “What..what are you doing?”

“Doesn't that turn you on?”

“Fuck yeah. Oh, God.” time lost all its meaning to him when Laverne began nibbling on his ear. His hand slowly found its way between her legs but she slapped it away. She had to keep him wanting more, that was part of the fun.

Carmine groaned loudly as she tightened her grip and continued to stroke him, her pace increasing with each stroke. Carmine's body trembled as he felt himself about to climax.

He buried his face into her neck, “I'm gonna come.”

“Oh- _Oh!”_ Laverne chuckled as she felt him release himself in her hand. 

Carmine grunted as she slowly let go of him. As he breathed heavily, he watched her wipe her hand with his shirt. She then buttoned her top back and tapped his cheek gently.

Laverne winked seductively, “Think about it.”

Carmine continued panting as his friend walked away from him. He brought a hand to his forehead as he watched Laverne make her way up the stairs. Boy, who knew diets could be so entertaining?


End file.
